Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
