i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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