I am puke
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
