This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Randomize
