u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
This girl is more easily done than said...
4 words: hood of his car
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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