is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
