I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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