whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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