I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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