Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
