are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
