yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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