They should really pass out barf bags in church
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
