The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
