I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
