Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
