You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize