Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
