eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
