he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
A+ Viking dick
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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