oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize