I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
