It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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