apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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