my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
