Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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