Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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