Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
