I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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