we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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