Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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