I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
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I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
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Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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