This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
