We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
