oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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