She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
