Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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