We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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