you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
