Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
