also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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