My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
