I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize