Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
