just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
