so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
