Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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