Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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