So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
