I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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