"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish I only lived at night.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
