Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
