I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
