come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
