I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize