And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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