I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
