I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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